The Case of The Sore Bum
by JaguarJess
Summary: Okay so you’ve all heard of love potions and love spells, but this story is about a love program. TresxAbel kinda contains some sexual themes but not bad enough to be mature At least I don't think so
1. intro chapter

The Case of the Sore Bum

Okay so you've all heard of love potions and love spells, but this story is about a love program. Don't get the wrong idea this is suppose to be a comedy but it may turn into a mystery later. This is the first story I've written alone and my second story in total so please don't be too harsh on me! TresxAbel (kinda) (contains some sexual themes but not bad enough to be mature (At least I don't think so))

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Date: March 29th

_Yes! _A mysterious figure thought to herself, I_ will finally get that damned Abel back for all those lost expenses and damage cost. _It wasn't the cost that bothered her as much as the piles of paper work she had received thanks to him. While others were out on missions she was the lone AX member left behind to clean up after his mess. _Besides _she thought _it is April fools day tomorrow and this is just a harmless joke. _She approached Tres's bed and took out a taser (a high-voltage stun gun). She pressed it against his back, pressing the trigger and frying his circuits. Smoke fused out of his body, as Tres squirmed and then finally went still. She ran to the window quickly almost ripping it off the hinges in an attempt to prevent discovery by fire alarm. _That was too close for comfort! I didn't see that coming (science was never my best subject)! Anyway,_ t_hat should put him out for a little while, I better hurry though, he recovers fast. _she fiddled the plate on his back, taking it off to look into a curcuit filled body. She rummaged through the wires to find what she was looking for. Finally she found his hard drive in the upper chest area where a human would have their heart. She pulled a cd out of her pocket. On the front of the disk in bold letters were the words; **Love program**. She slowly slide the program into his hard drive and then put everything back where it belonged. She left his room without leaving a trace of her presence except for the open window in the corner of the room.

Almost immediately after her disappearance Tres recovered from his shock with a jolt and sat straight up in his bed.

"New mission accepted." He said as he got out of bed and walked out into the hall to start his mission.

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	2. Chapter 1

April 1st

"Where is Father Nightroad? And what about Gunslinger? He's never late!" The Cardinal asked more than a little upset that two of her top AX members were late to the meeting she scheduled weeks ago.

"Ahhhhhh!" They could hear Father Nightroad's scream from his room all the way down the hall.

"I believe that's him now, Lady Catherina." Ester said in her motherly voice, "Maybe we should go check on him?"

"I suppose so. Maybe he will know were Tres is?" Lady Catherina replied.

What they walked in on surprised them both. They enter Abel's room to find Abel still in bed with Tres cuddled up beside him. Ester blushed at the sight and the Cardinals thoughts were all expressed by the glare she gave them.

Abel jumped out of his bed and onto his feet, "Lady Catherina, it's not what it loo………"

Interrupting the excuse she knew was coming, "**Abel Nightroad**!" she barked at him "You have been a Member of AX long enough to know that it is unacceptable to miss a meeting for a simple lovers' quarrel! Get dressed! The meeting has been canceled and I would like to see you **IMMEDIATELY **after you are fully clothed."

Abel looked down and realized that he was stark nude in front of two women and one of them was his boss. He quickly covered himself with a pillow from the bed and looked back at them realizing why sister Ester's face was red and turned away in embarrassment. Even more shocking to him was the fact that not even a trace of embarrassment had shown in Catherina's expression, but he could tell that there was definatly anger in her eyes.

"Did you hear me Abel I want you in my office **dressed** in five minutes." she turned on her heels and left his room with Ester following closely behind her still in shock.

Still facing the door Abel felt arms wrap around his shoulders and then a body touched his. "ahh!" he yelled, knowing who it was but not sure what was going on. He turned around and faced Tres.

"Mission love Father Able Nightroad incomplete." said Tres in his deep mechanic voice.

_I had no idea that android were anatomically correct, _he thought _anyway I have to break it to him._

Putting some distance between them and holding his arms out in front of him he explained, "I'm really sorry Tres, but this simply will not do! I have no idea what happened last night but I'm sure it's all a big misunderstanding! Anyway I have to go talk to Lady Catherina now and try to explain things to her. So I will see you later on." _That's if I can explain it! _he thought.

3 minutes later in Lady Catherina's office

"Ah, Father Nightroad, I'm glad to see you fully clothed! Have a seat." she greeted Able as he entered the room.

Greatful that she had seemed to calm down, he sat down painfully into the seat across from the Cardinal. For some reason his rear end was unusually soar. _It must have been from one of my resent missions _he rationalized, _he had been through a lot of hard falls lately! It made sence he had noticed many scratches and bruises lately that had not occurred to him until after he was home resting. (Author's note 1: I feel so bad for doing this to poor unsuspecting Father Nightroad but I had to. It was to good to pass up. I'm so sorry Father Nightroad please forgive me. For those of you who don't understand just go along with it for now you will find out the truth soon enough.)_

"I'm sorry, Lady Catherina, for causing you trouble this morning."

"Abel, you know better than anyone that relationships within this organization are hard, and usually cause heartbreak, your relationship with Tres must stop"

"What relationship? I just woke up this morning and he was there! He was saying something about some mission of love? I was actually wondering if I could ask if its not to much trouble, if I could be supplied a lock for my room considering this mornings circumstances." he ask.

"Abel, you know very well that the Vatican's money must be spent on much more important things than simple lovers problem! You and Tres will just have to work this out on your own!"

"Lady Catherina surly you believe me that this was a simple misunderstanding?"

"Abel, I will be monitoring your activities over the next couple of weeks because of your misconduct. After that time I will reevaluate your punishment., meeting dismissed!"

"Yes, Lady Catherina." He whined as he walked out of her office.

He had to find out what was going on he figured his first step was to find information. He walked into the professor's library.

"Ah! Able why don't you have a seat" said the professor.

"No thanks, It seems that my rear end has been hurting me lately, but I can't seem to figure out why!" Abel said

"I may have an idea!" the professor said motioning Abel to come closer.

The professor Whispered the answer in his ear like a secret.

"ohh." said Abel "I see!" and then.

"ohhhhh no!"

_On the positive side _he thought to himself as he finally remembered vague dreams he had though he had had last night, _at least I'm not a pervert!_

_On the negative side I think I just lost my virginity to an android!!!!!!!!!_

"Professor, by chance, do you have any books on androids?"

"Yes, I set them aside. I had a feeling you might come here for help with your problems."

"How did the news of this morning travel so fast?" Nightroad asked the professor.

"Well for one this is the Vatican you know, when people are bored rumors tend to spread! Also that could have given a few people some clues!" he said pointing to Abel right leg.

Abel looked down to see Tres hanging onto his leg for dear life.

"You know I didn't even realize he was there!" father Nightroad replied. (author's note 2:Okay I know that it is very unlikely that Abel would not notice him but still it's so cute. Come on you know its true!)

"Tres it is unacceptable for you to behave this way I do not return those sort of feelings for you so please get off of me"

"Anything for you Father Nightroad" said Tres

"Could you sign this, Please, father Nightroad?" Asked the professor

"Sure." Abel said and signed it without looking at it, too busy convincing tres to leave him alone.

The Professor scanned the paper into his computer and started typing.

"umm… Professor what exactly was on that paper?" Abel asked curious as to what he was doing with his signature.

"It seems that due to your relationship with Tres you have become quite popular overnight so I started selling the rights to your quotes on eBay to the highest bidder! Actually, It is quite a profitable business."

"What!!!!!" Abel yelled

"If you would like I could arrange to split the profits with you"

Father Nightroad chased the professor around the room trying to get back his dignity in the form of a piece of paper with his signature on it.

"It will do you no good, it is already online!"

"I know but this makes me feel a lot better!"

Tres said from the corner of the room, "No one makes my Abel mad!"

He opened fire on the Professor nearly hitting him several times.

To be continued………..


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